Conniption-
Pronunciation: \kə-ˈnip-shən\
Function:noun
: a fit of rage, hysteria, or alarm (went into conniptions)
I am down to 14 days until EXAM DAY. I have reached the boiling point…I honestly think may head might explode if I cram any more crap into it. I have had weird dreams…people talking to each other in a snippet, which is subsequently followed by a multiple choice question regarding the legal ramifications of the viewed scene. Makes me very tired by the time I wake up.
I know it is something every practicing attorney has gone through, but you would think that they would WARN you of the goofy side effects. In my less than magnificent endeavors to become a licensed attorney in the state of Florida, I took a look back at how I got to this point.
Here are my top 10 reasons for someone NOT to go to law school:
10. If you can't think of anything better to do or you are undecided where you are going in your life. My advice: get a hobby, learn to knit, find a new job, or buy a dog/cat. Pregnancy is always an option…if you really want to go that way. May even be cheaper!
9. You want to make money. This is crap because you spend so much money getting to the point where you can WORK as an attorney that it is counterintuitive to think this way. Then you end up working 80 hours a week for some shoddy firm making $45K a year…that's minimum WAGE!!! Actually..irs about $10.81/hour. you can flip burgers for that...AND they give you health insurance in 6 mos. Also, keep in mind that it will take you 20 years to pay off the loans you incurred going to said law school. Note: You will probably get a job alphabetizing paper for a law firm while going to school for 10 bucks an hour. Please keep in mind that your boss is not actually a fuckhead or a dumbass, but a lawyer. Oh, wait..same damn thing.
8. Speaking of money- it is neither a pleasant nor nice way to invest $175,000.00 Just buy a damn house. It'll pay off in the long run.
7. You have a significant other, and plan to keep said party around. They even tell you the first week of law school that if you aren't in a committed relationship you might as well toss them out on their ass. *Note- if you DO wish to dispose of said significant other… go for it. It works 90% of the time! (I'm in the 10%)
6. You will NOT be smarter. You will just know more random crap that holds no bearing on everyday life, and you have to lie about your new job at parties. Plus, everyone you know wants legal advice, but you are obligated to keep your trap shut, or tell them to find a lawyer. This makes them stare at you in disbelief because they think you ARE a lawyer, no matter what you TELL them.
5. You have to spend 3 years (or 2 years, all summer sessions and one extra semester; not that I was counting) of your life wondering why you aren't getting it. You will read, cuss, and groan around your friends, who will stare blankly at you unless they are in law school also. This continues until thankfully, the day after your last set of exams for the final semester..you will get it. The light bulb comes on. But, because your light bulb took so long, you now have insane debt, and a Juris Doctorate degree…but you still cannot call yourself doctor unless you want to teach somewhere. (not that I'm bitter or anything)
4. It's very expensive to start your own firm, and struggle for many moons until you get your head out of your ass and manage to do something right. If you get lucky, there's no malpractice between the time you open your doors and this exciting event. If you get really lucky, you have clients within the first 3 months who have very easy issues but are willing to pay a lot of money to resolve it.
3. Law School professors are really demons sent to torture you, unless of course, you make a point to tell them how wonderful, insightful, and brilliant they are everyday. Whether you do or not, however, they still fail you on the 3 hour exam because you weren't as smart as they were in the 6 weeks they took to write the question and model answer. Assholes.
2. They do not; I repeat, DO NOT, teach you law in LAW school. Guess that's a surprise? The purpose is to make you think like a lawyer, which basically makes everyone else you know seem like an idiot, or they think you are a complete bitch for correcting the thought or trying to make sure you fully understand what they are saying. Either way is not much fun for anyone. You keep quiet a lot more.
1. Stress. The amount of stress the human body can endure is amazing, but the amount of stress that Law students endure will kill small farm animals within weeks. The bar exam is enough to kill large zoo animals in mere days. Keep your day job- or if you can do math (other than the prerequisite 30% required for lawyers, ) Go to MEDICAL SCHOOL.
If you don't take my advice- don't blame me when you are writing your own blog in 3 years bitching about how bad it was….I tried to help you.
